Dark Souls, a franchise that's as difficult as trying to milk a bull, always tries to keep its players on their toes. When having to take on an enemy with a face only a mother could love isn't enough, the games look to different locals that they can fill with a myriad of traps, secret passageways, and treasure chests that eat you for being too greedy.The most recent release in the series, Dark Souls III, was already as hard as a rock on steroids, so it only makes sense that the downloadable content for the game should be harder.
Titled The Ringed City, this will be From Software's final foray into the world of Lothric after Ashes of Ariandel. This time, Ashen Ones will be transported to the world's end as they chase after the Slave Knight Gael as he goes on a quest to retrieve the Dark Soul of Humanity.
While the idea of the planet being round never caught on with Dark Souls, the resulting DLC is one that adds more armor, weapons, magic, and yes, monsters that look like rejected plastic molds from a horror movie.Let's take a look at them, shall we?
First off, we have a gigantic monk who looks like the fourth member of the rock band ZZ Top. While his guitar skills were a no-show in the trailer, expect his boss fight to feature off-the-hook Christian rock and his constant inquiry of whether or not you have found Jesus in your life.
The next monstrosity on the list is a bedazzled ice skating queen in her late hundreds. After passing her prime, this athlete (who was overshadowed by Michelle Kwan) sought refuge in the Ringed City, no doubt to enchant other monsters and to take solace in the fact that even though she has hit rock bottom, at least she isn't as ugly as the other residents of this place.
What's this, a down-on-her-luck bowler?
If fighting giant monsters and killing other players online wasn't enough, The Ringed City looks like it will force players to commit thievery of the worst kind: stealing prized possessions from sleeping women (either that or this lady has a gigantic earing weighing her down and it's up to the Ashen One to relieve her of her burden).
The last monster on the list is the rejected gargoyle from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. ÃÂ This fellow seems to have made the mistake of putting too much hot sauce on his burrito. See how he screams in pain as his entire digestive system burns to a crisp, allowing him to spew fireballs from all the holes in his body. One can only imagine the destruction he will inflict upon his next bathroom break.
Dark Souls III: The Ringed City will be available for download on the PlayStation Network, Xbox Live, and PC this coming March 28. Prepare to die in the weirdest ways possible.