Find a train-ed killer in 'Murder on the Orient Express'

Written by: Carlos Zotomayor

Film | Jun 4, 2017

20th Century Fox Agatha Christie Hercule Poirot Murder on the Orient Express

You may think of train rides as a fleeting mode of transportation. Just hop on, bear the disgusting stench of B.O. and invasion of your personal space for about 30 minutes, and get off before anyone pegs you as a good mark for a robbery.

This was not the case in the early 1930s (or in other parts of the world, for that matter). Back then, complete strangers had to put up with each other for days on end. Trapped inside a moving cart on tracks, passengers had to find ways to pass the time. Chess, afternoon tea, even a bit of murder can liven things up on a lengthy one-way journey.

That last activity is what's prevalent in this year's upcoming
Murder on the Orient Express. Based on the 1934 detective novel by Agatha Christie, the movie follows a grim homicide on the Taurus Express and the exploits of Belgian detective Hercule Poirot as he uncovers the killer and his loco motives (heh, train joke).

Let's just hope that this imagining of the classic murder story is unlike the source material, where Poirot turns down a potential client (and future murder victim) simply because he "does not like the person's face".

And honestly, who wouldn't dislike any of the people on this train?

The women onboard look either old, bitter, or have the seductive appeal of a rattlesnake. Almost all the men on the other hand, are heavily coated and sport Dick Dastardly moustaches, with Hercule Poirot sporting the biggest pornstache of them all.

With a star-studded cast of passengers that includes Willem Dafoe, Johnny Depp, Penélope Cruz, Michelle Pfeiffer, Judi Dench, Josh Gad, Daisy Ridley, Olivia Colman, and director Kenneth Branagh (who also plays Poirot), Murder on the Orient Express will make you question your daily commutes when it docks in theaters this November 8.

About the author: Carlos Zotomayor

Zoto can see your underpants. Mmm... tasteful.

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