Let's judge 'Kingdom Hearts III' based on its recent trailer!

Written by: Carlos Zotomayor

Games | Jul 18, 2017

Kingdom Hearts Kingdom Hearts 3 Square Enix Toy Story

The urban legends most sought after during any video game conference boil down to two titles: Half-Life 3 and Kingdom Hearts III. While Half-Life 3 being released during our time on Earth would be about as likely as Valve shutting down Steam, Kingdom Hearts III is an actual thing with pre-rendered gameplay and trailers that love stating that they represent a game currently in development.

I would normally trash its most recent trailer by telling some weird story about how Sora and pals are fighting an army of incoming text, but that would be picking some low-hanging fruit. I've already talked at length about the many problems of the series, but this latest reveal just shows how Kingdom Hearts has not learned from its mistakes.

For one thing, the command system still involves reading those tiny text boxes on the lower left portion of the screen (I guess Square Enix never caught on to the fact that there are more than four buttons on the PlayStation controller). If you think that they're hard to read now, just wait until you have to control a never-aging adolescent and his Disney lackeys.

Combat itself looks just as confusing as it has always been. While you can most likely button mash until the screen shows nothing but you and your companions, Kingdom Hearts' combat system never really had a lot of depth.

What is has instead are a lot of tacked-on mini-games that are used once and never utilized again. This drivable toy robot may not be as bad as those Atlantican singing segments in Kingdom Hearts II, but it sure takes players out of the experience of whacking Heartless with an oversized key.

It feels like a Michael Bay film, where the producers fill in every section with as much noise as possible to distract players from the fact that each aspect isn't given proper attention. The numerous visual effects that blot out Woody and Buzz, the action sound effects that drown out the dialogue- all of these elements add to how cheesy and monotonous the game really feels once it comes down to its storytelling.

Though Pixar-like graphics have literally been achieved, they haven't added anything more apart from new mini-games and quick time events. The story feels the same: drop into a world, meet some friends, defeat the Heartless, and move on to the next one. This continues until an antagonist with absurdly long anime hair drops in and a bigger boss fight ensues.

It's pretty likely that the 2018 release window is just a ruse to get fans excited for a game that has been in development for 11 years. With its original fan base consisting of ageing 20-year-olds, I guess it's better to cut this ageing franchise from its life support before it adds something like Snow Dogs to its world roster. 

About the author: Carlos Zotomayor

Zoto can see your underpants. Mmm... tasteful.

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