The monkey business continues this July 12

Written by: Carlos Zotomayor

Film | Jul 3, 2017

Planet of the Apes War for the Planet of the Apes

Sadly, I'm not talking about Monkey Business, the fourth studio album of pop-rap group The Black Eyed Peas (even though the tracks in that album outlasted's acting career).

This particular primate matter pertains to the third film in the 2011 Planet of the Apes reboot, War for the Planet of the Apes. Whereas past incarnations depicted the apes in medieval armor with helmets the size of Queen Amidala's headdress, this gritty imagining has them getting back at the human race for killing Harambe.

Since the first movie, humans and apes have been at war over what I can only assume is a misunderstanding over some thrown feces.

Caesar, the cranky monkey you see all over the promotional material, was once the son of a genetically modified chimpanzee who grew up loving bananas and combing his brothers for edible lice. But when he learned of his mother's unjust death and how his species was treated like apes, he chose to spread his inherited intelligence to make his kind smarter than the average bear.

This didn't ride well with humanity. Not only is mankind's closest genetic relative hairier and more prone to going ape shit, having them wield assault rifles with their opposable toes just doubles their firepower. Now with an army of overzealous orangutans, crazy chimpanzees, and gung-ho gorillas, Caesar aims to take the fight to the Colonel and plant his species on top of the food chain.

There isn't any word on if there will be apes dining on human flesh, but it would be a nice selling point nonetheless. War for the Planet of the Apes invades cinemas this July 12.

About the author: Carlos Zotomayor

Zoto can see your underpants. Mmm... tasteful.

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