If there seems to be a drought in superhero movies this early in 2017, always remember that like emails in the office, these things come in droves when you least expect it. And just like emails, it's always the ones you receive at the last minute which are the most time-consuming and bothersome to deal with.Just take a look at the Justice League movie, which hits theaters this November.
Now I've already talked at length about how this film follows two talent scouts in their search for boy band members, but let's be honest - all of these recruits are in the sad, sorry state they are now because they were rejected as band members for the Avengers.Ã
Known as the Backstreet Boys of superhero franchises, the Avengers have already made a name for themselves way before the Justice League signed their contracts. Infinitely better hits, more handsome band members, and a tendency to remind others of their success long after they were relevant - who wouldn't want to be a part of this widely successful group?After recruiting five down-on-their-luck members, we now have a better insight on how Justice League is going to try to steal the spotlight by blatantly ripping-off everything that Marvel's superpowered ensemble created over the span of 14 films.
We have a Winter Soldier (literally) who rides a horse instead of Captain America's finely toned muscles.
There's a Tesseract stored behind some old football trophies in DC comics' headquarters just in case they run out of plot ideas for the film (which they probably already have).
A black-haired Thor complete with an impractical close combat weapon also makes his appearance. Sadly, this tool doesn't come with a "return to sender" feature like the hammer does; but it IS invaluable during family barbecues and get-togethers!
There's even a snot-nosed, red-wearing teenage superhero who is constantly mentored by a wealthy businessman with no superpowers and a coffin full of family issues!
These second-rate heartthrobs
must then provide a follow-up act to the Avengers by holding a show for one of
their past audiences: the Chitauri.
The film will include a couple of significant twists to the Marvel formula however; as seen by this righteous African-American Ultron. This is before he realizes this isn't the audition for the new Power Rangers movie though, so it's anyone's guess how he will react once he finds out that both movies are as half-hearted as the special effects used to give him the body of a Decepticon.
Due to Warner Bros. not wanting to get the hell sued out of them by Marvel Studios, the barely-visible Chitauri were those alien creatures in the first Avengers movie that played the role of cushioning the Hulk's delicate fists with their faces.
But with the current infighting going on amongst the Avengers, it seems that the class-A heroes have finally found better, more good-looking opponents within each other. Forced to choose between this and the next Transformers movie, the Chitauri have chosen the lesser of two evils and contended with having the crap beat out of them by Gal Gadot.With a release too close to December for a Christmas album and individual projects already in the works, it's kind of sad how Justice League easily dismisses itself in order to work on other albums. Let's just hope that this band will crash and burn respectfully rather than blaming Aquaman for having superpowers that are worse than Batman's lack of them.