Don't you just wish you were in jail?
Think about it. You don't have to deal with unnecessary surprises because everything is on a tight schedule, you get three square meals a day, and don't forget new skills! You never have the time to learn how to make birdhouses when you're a free man. But in prison? Well... you have all the time in the world.
Just take a look
at the various talents of the two antagonists of upcoming co-op adventure game A
Way Out.
One player takes
control of Leo, the bloke on the left who is obviously in prison for crimes
against biology. Sporting sideburns that would make Elvis Presley turn in his
grave and a nose three-fourths the size of a ripe cucumber, it's safe to assume
that he's serving a long sentence away from human eyes.
The other player
controls Vincent, whose crime is shrouded in mystery as he is the newcomer in
this fine establishment. Together, the two seek rehabilitation and find out
that they are destined for far more than life inside these high walls.
For one thing, they
make pretty kickass janitors. Though Leo's posture could use a bit more of a
straight back to prevent osteoporosis, that floor is looking mighty clean. But
as we all know, cleaning up dirt as a janitor pays like dirt. So the two
quickly switch classes to find more profitable careers.
Here's Leo getting
in shape to become a gym trainer - a profession that trades your humility for
money. This would be a fine career choice, considering most inmates don't know
that you need more than just two Pokemon to lead a gym. Though Leo's pectoral
muscles are looking fine, having to fight Vincent over who gets to be the alpha
dog will just destroy their friendship. So it's back to the papers to find
another job...
It's obvious
that neither of the two make for good plumbers, seeing as they like to break
apart pipes rather than fix them. One can only imagine the anger of the inmate whose pooper they destroyed just so that they could play hide-and-seek.
After wasting
their last few years in the hoosegow playing childish games, Leo and Vincent
(who are still without proper jobs) spend their first few days of freedom
trying their luck as hunters. But even though these two have survived the wilds
of prison, they aren't prepared to combat a pack of highly trained commando deer
equipped with armor-piercing assault rifles.
Standing no
chance against Mother Nature's agents of death, these two make a mad break back
to their respective families. During this dash to safety, Vincent discovers
that he has a penchant for parkour, as evidenced by his ability to survive
jumping from and into another building.ÃÂ
After briefly
reuniting with their relatives and finding out that Vincent's crime was that of
being a deadbeat dad, Vincent imparts his idea to Leo about becoming internet superstars.
He tells him that people do stupid things on video all the time and get paid
for it. Flabbergasted by their ignorance, Leo wholeheartedly agrees and they
proceed to capturing their death-defying stunts on camera.
The title of A Way Out pertains to their inability to escape the adrenaline rush that fuels their internet fame. How much more can Leo take before Vincent's lust for riches drives him over the edge? Would the two have lived better lives as prison janitors? Find out when the game releases on Xbox One, PlayStation 4, and PC in early 2018.
Trailer TrashedÃÂ is where we dissect normal-looking trailers and paste them back together with satire and sarcasm.ÃÂ
