Trailer Trashed: Earth Defense Force 5

Written by: Carlos Zotomayor

Games | Sep 15, 2016

D3 Publisher Earth Defense Earth Defense Force 5 trailer trashed

Seems that whenever I talk about trailers, the Japanese are always one step ahead when it comes to thinking up ways for me to explain their antics. With that in mind, I decided to take them up on their challenge and pick a game that makes absolutely zero sense.

Earth Defense Force 5
, which is a game made by actual people, is the fifth installment in the world-famous Earth Defense series by D3 Publisher. Based on my extensive research into their Wikipedia page, the series is all about a special group of extraterrestrial terminators as they seek to save the world from lifeforms that could only have been envisioned by someone who hasn't seen the outside of their house.

But we know better, don't we?

Earth Defense Force 5
scraps the entire alien theme in favor of a miniature society that lives within a picnic ground. What was once a peaceful and thriving community of really small people has become a battleground for a war beneath our toes.

You may think that this society is normal-sized, but through the clever use of camera angles, a tiny filmmaker has deceived you into thinking that those are giant ants in the background; they are actually normal ants which are attacking this unfortunately-located locale.

Think those are spaceships in the distance? Think again. This isn't a world overrun by the weird and otherworldly; those are biscuits being thrown by careless picnickers.

And we can see why: upon closer inspection, it turns out that the biscuits thrown out are home to countless ants that seek to ruin an off-screen family's wonderful lunch. But instead of disposing of them in their proper receptacles, these inconsiderate miscreants have unleashed a terror unlike any other.

These ants are vicious! Unstated after their crumpet consumption, the insects (which look like they have been dipped in Kool Aid) soon develop a hankering for mini-human flesh and devour the citizens of Mini-apolis.

But I guess ants weren't enough. For after a short while, more food (this time lollipops) drops from inconsiderate passersby which attracts undesirables to the city such as spiders that shoot white cream from their faces. It then falls to the so-called Earth Defense Force to mobilize and destroy these pieces of food before the whole city of Mini-apolis is leveled in the crossfire.

Speaking of undesirables, we also see a realistic-looking Kermit the Frog make an appearance. Complete with a futuristic earpiece as well as his signature pulse cannon, the Muppet stars as one of the game's various bosses and will most likely be an unlockable character once the game is beaten.

Before the trailer ends though, we catch a glimpse of Earth Defense Force 5's final boss: a giant crème brûlée which aims to bring the mother of all picnic nuisances to the city (which I am pretty sure is a raccoon).

Can Earth Defense Force get rid of all the food and drive away the animals in time? Is there ever going to be a park ranger that will enforce proper picnic rules and regulations? And just what is a crème brûlée?

All this and more will be revealed when the game is released in 2017.

Trailer Trashed is where we dissect normal-looking trailers and paste them back together with satire and sarcasm.

About the author: Carlos Zotomayor

Zoto can see your underpants. Mmm... tasteful.

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