Trailer Trashed: Frost Punk

Written by: Carlos Zotomayor

Games | Sep 1, 2016

11 Bit Studios Frost Punk trailer trashed

Feel that?

No, not my sweaty palms, the weather! In approximately one day when this is brought to the public, the start of September will be upon us and with it comes change.

We all know that time: the temperature starts to drop, people overlook Halloween in favor of Christmas, and video game giants wake up from hibernation just in time to eat up all our money. So before the big releases hit us at the end of the year like a predictable avalanche, let's talk about something small but no less significant.

[Real Facts]

Frost Punk, an upcoming survival steampunk game by 11 Bit Studios who developed titles such as This War of Mine and Anomaly, is taking a chilling new look at the survival genre. Set in a world colder than your ex-girlfriend's heart, the game is an imagining of how a society struggles to survive by using steam-powered technology for something other than saunas.

The game features survival aspects such as those found in the developer's previous title This War of Mine,but will focus more on feelings of humility and will provide difficult moral choices that will question your humanity. Though it includes strategic and management-type gameplay, Frost Punk is said to be more of an emotional rollercoaster ride than 11 Bit's previous titles.

But wait... the title of this piece says "Trailer Trashed", doesn't it?

My bad. I just needed to get some real information about the game out there before demolishing the facts entirely.

[Real Facts end; Trailer Trashed begins]

Frost Punk is a game not about men or otherworldly monsters. It does not take place on another planet nor does it require a lot of imagination to envision. It is in fact, a game where murderous rhyming snowflakes have taken over the world. 

As the main commander in the snowflake army, Colonel Dr. Seuss here narrates to us some of his rhymes from his new book as he stabs this man in the eye.

"Now winter nights so large the number of their hours, and clouds their storms discharge upon their eerie towers."

The rhyme in question is a sad eulogy for the fallen foe he and his comrades have just killed in cold (heh) blood.

We then see that this rhyme also doubles as a battle cry, rallying the snowflake troops to feast upon the rotting man's corpse which was thoroughly mangled so as to be easily digested.

But wait, is that snow covering the man?

Yes, apart from providing a nutritional meal to these solid flakes of rain, you can see without a doubt that the snowflakes are also able to turn their fallen adversaries into walking snowmen. These frosty slaves are then capable of delivering holiday cheer to the younger snowflakes and snowflakettes. 

Oh the horror we can only imagine as the screen zooms out as the snowflake army converts another innocent man into a fixture just in time for the holidays!

Frost Punk won't be out on the PC until sometime in 2017 but we can spend that time thinking what horrors await mankind as we are assaulted by a rhyming winter wonderland.

I would like nothing more than these snowflakes to be voiced by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"Hey, man. It's cold out tonight, isn't it?"

"Snow problem."

About the author: Carlos Zotomayor

Zoto can see your underpants. Mmm... tasteful.

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