Trailer Trashed: World of Final Fantasy

Written by: Carlos Zotomayor

Games | Jun 9, 2016

E3 2016 Final Fantasy Square Enix World of Final Fantasy

There is no other series more inappropriately named than Final Fantasy.

Yes, some games may have misleading titles, but when your entire franchise of more than fifteen games carries the same moniker for over two decades, then the only thing that could ever be a fantasy about it is it being final.

And what better way to establish this fact than with World of Final Fantasy: a spin-off game wherein Square Enix collates all their anime-styled boys and girls (with gelled hair and fashion styles that look like they came out of a dumpster after Halloween) into one release that makes series veterans complain about why "X" character is not in the game and newcomers wonder how the they are supposed to differentiate one moody save-the-world protagonist from another.

But enough about that, let's take a look at the game trailer:

... which starts out with another generic anime-looking protagonist. Huh.

After waking up on a sofa with his shoes still on, we are immediately introduced to the main antagonist of the game: Horrible English Dubs. Never content with just one scene or character, Horrible English Dubs (or HED, for short) is seen throughout this entire trailer, never once paying heed to the characters' lips or facial animations, as it looks to take over another world where the animators have failed to notice that this just isn't acceptable anymore.

Moving on, we are shown the main selling-point of World of Final Fantasy: the chibi and cartoony art style that makes this game more kid-friendly and is exactly the market that Square Enix is aiming for this time around instead of moody teenagers.

You can see Quistis, Lighning, Tidus, and many others in their cutesy forms make their cameos within the trailer but even if these characters' names don't ring a bell, the producers have made sure that this is a great entry point for a younger generation to get into the lore of the series.

Cutting past more chibi-d Final Fantasy characters, we can see that the whole cast is looking to fight off Horrible English Dubs and the plague he has wrought upon them and the entire land.

This then leads anime Jack and Jill (the two main protagonists' names, I'm guessing) to turn to various groups like the Hello Kitty fans club...

... the Federation (who, by the looks of their outfits, seems like they run a gym that specializes in water Pokemon)...

... and SEED (hehe) for aid in fighting off HED and his minions, thus returning the world to its proper Japanese translation.

Now that's a story I can get into!

But alas, after my attempts at writing a far better story, my dreams are then hopelessly crushed by the narration of the actual plot by a bland and probably poorly-dubbed woman.

Oh well, at least there's some gameplay...

... which apparently involves you capturing King Kermit the Frog and other various Final Fantasy monsters. At least we have something that looks quite interesting and can keep us preoccupied until the next two Pokemon games get released.

Upon further inspection of the turn-based gameplay, we can infer that the two heroes, anime Hansel and Gretel, are the world's equivalent of dogcatchers: they travel around World of Final Fantasy collecting rare species in order to populate the ever-increasing number of main releases that Square Enix keeps throwing out to the public.

And it doesn't stop there, it seems!

They can even capture and summon Final Fantasy characters, thus making World of Final Fantasy the first game by Square Enix to condone both cock-fighting and slavery.

The rest of the trailer just expounds more on the story and features some more Hello Kitty fanatics and Pokemon lookalikes, but what's this?!

Villains that are unaffected by poorly animated lip-synching?!

It couldn't be. They could only be working for... Horrible English Dubs!

If this is true, then maybe Square Enix is finally putting its ear to the ground and is starting to realize that there are other ways to write a story besides making all your protagonists save the world from a boss that has at least two more final forms.

World of Final Fantasy will be released on the PlayStation 4 and PlayStation Vita on October 25, 2016. So if you haven't gotten into the franchise before, now may be a good time to give this one a look!

About the author: Carlos Zotomayor

Zoto can see your underpants. Mmm... tasteful.

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